Thursday, July 30, 2009

Packing






I was packing as I no longer extend my rent in Depok. Then I realise, I have been packing my whole life.

Since I was young, I moved from city to city, then in Singapore, from an apartment to another, and then from one country to the next. Everytime we pack, we leave something behind. We always think that we have packed them all in our suitcases, but we are always wrong. Everytime we leave a place, we leave a part of ourself behind for the sake of tomorrow. We thought we remember the good times, the good old times, like they say, the old times are always good, but then again we are wrong. Today is the good old days of tomorrow, and no, we cant remember the good old times wholely without being there.

A place isn’t just a room we sleep in, it’s an environment we live our life in. That environment has contributed to who we are today and in our deepest we all know memories are not just the things we did, but also the places we went. See when you leave, a new oppoturnity opens up. But before you enter, you have got to let go of the past. Its time again to start anew, right from zero to almost a completion, because as always, you have to move right before that.

Sometimes I wonder, those who live their life in a single place is fortunate; to have friends whom you know all your life you cant even remember when or how you met; to have memories of the places you went when you were smaller and to witness its change over the years; to have the old stuff kept in a cupboard where the photos smell of dust and its colours fading; to realise the root of your life starts here, in this house, in this city which feels like your big playground because you have lived here all your life. You know how it smells when it rains and how burning the sun can be during summer. You know you belong here.

I’m not saying I would change my life for such an alternatif,I just thought that having a place where you truly feels at home is nothing but a true blessing.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Be Absent

It isn't hatred I felt just now
I don't know if there exists a word
Sufficient to describe what lies in the subterranean depth of me

It's partly revulsion,
Awareness of the physical space
Ironically, a form of acceptance of the past

It's confusing, really
Why is he still here despite his misdeeds?
Why hasn't anyone done anything till now?
I'm not asking the world to change for me
I simply want his absence in my presence
For the exchange of having a piece of my past

Get him out of my sight
My stomach revolt with pure disgust
But instead I gave out a reluctant smile in his presence

He looked and said hi without scruples or remorse
There is nothing to forgive
It isn't forgiveness that sets you free
Because human can never forgive nor be set free

We are the slave of our memories.

Presence of the Past

It wasn’t hatred I felt just now
I don’t know if there exist a word
Sufficient to describe what lies in the subterranean depth of me

It’s partly revulsion,
Awareness of the physical space,
Ironically, a form of acceptance of the past

It’s confusion, really
Why is he stil here despite his misdeeds
Why hasn’t anyone done anything till now
I’m not asking the world to change for me
I simply want his absence in my presence,
For the exchange having a piece of my past.

Get him out of my sight
My stomach revolt with pure disgust
But instead, I gave out a reluctant smile in his presence

He looked and said hi without scruples or remorse
There is nothing to forgive
It isn’t forgivesness that sets you free
Because one will never forgive nor be set free

We are the slave of our memories.