Far From It

I lie when I say I don't care what happen to them
I tell myself to care less, simply because its not mine to care
but I cant

I cant because I love them
and when something break, I will fix it
or at least, I try to

I come home with bags of food
even though not all are present,
I thought that food will give an opportunity to ease the tension
thinking that of all the days, this, would be a good chance to have supper

but no, I was wrong
what was I thinking?
my good day is not enough
far from it, in fact to ease the tension

this, is a pain in the ass,
I don't wanna care
because my life would be so freakin much easier if I don't
but I just cant

and despite the pain
I'm secretly grateful I cant
damn it


*for those who love me, my family, lover and friends, don't put me in this agony.
if you know it will trap me in a helpless situation, among my loved ones, then stop it.