I know you think that in my head, I must be thinking that you are blowing this out of proportion because of the good times we had in the past months or so, but believe me when I say – I know the past hasn’t loosen its grip on us sweetheart, I didn’t think it was going to let us go so easily.
You will notice that I say “us”, because as much as it is hurting you, it is hurting me as well.. you said I will never understand, may be so, but this much I know - my state of mind is not in peace when yours isn’t.
You said focus on yourself because nothing else matters.. but you are a part of me, not caring for you is not caring for myself no ? it is like not caring for a significant part of me that I can’t let go – I no longer know how this works.
The visuals of the past is painful – every single nerve of me wish I can take that away from you. I am the cause, and therefore no sharing would work. But this stubborn love of mine wont accept that – because when I said the faith you put in me has settled a security that you love me, the same faith tells me that me leaving you be doesn’t work – I want to constantly say that I’m here for you, I feel your pain, your sorrow, your frustration, and your confusion between the pain of the past and the love you feel.
Maybe you do need space and time – whilst a part of me would like to respect that very very much (I hear you loud and clear sweetheart, trust me that I hear you loud and clear – as clear as when you said that we have no future together), another part of me says I need to hug you, run my fingers through your hair, your face and reassure you that you, my love, has stolen my heart and you telling me to love myself no longer fit into the puzzle of my life-pie (if you can imagine it).
We have no future together – I comprehend that in my head sweetheart, I do and again, I hear you when you say your decision is crystal clear. Between the conflict of the past, the present and possibility of the future, there is nothing more complicated than this – so I hear you. Does this in any way help me thinking straight in letting you, us, go? I struggle still, because I love you, and no logic could win that argument. This is essentially taking hope from me – and you will know that this is painful. Its silly, I know – but aren’t we both ?
I feel that I could do / face anything in life with you in my life. You are my strength – I have said this before but I have to say it again, because every small success is contributed to you – I could only see you as my home – nothing else, no one else, nothing else matters. The client gave positive feedback on the project I did with the finance team, and the first person I’d like to share that with is you.
In tough moments like this – I want to say this to you. The love we have is a stubborn one – the past isn’t going to take us away from us. I know you are angry at the past, at me, and the disappointment is unbearable. I love you and I will see you soon, very soon, as soon as you let me. Im going to pull you back, time and time again, every god damn time. Please come back to me – please come back to me.
Again, this whole thing translate into: I love you and I’m never letting go. I’m sorry if this frustrates you even more, I truly am.
