Colourless

My heart sank
Not only did it not work
You have tainted it with childish gestures
The memories were sold cheaply
Not only did you not understand
You did not love me, maybe never have
But if you ever did, I was wrong in not telling you
Its not how I see love 

I was filled with anger
One which blamed myself more than you or us
For it was a poor judgment of character from my side
I wanted to tell you how I feel
When we were still one and even now
This anger I couldn't hold it in much longer
As it corrups me
And so I am writing to you
A piece which you will, also, never comprehend
Because your eyes never strayed from looking at you and yourself only

But I no longer need you to understand me
As I release my anger in this piece
We were not good together
I guess we had our time, a short one
But never should have pushed for more
Nothing should be that dreadful, not love

As I remember our days towards the end, it has ended way before I pulled out
You should have known better too
Because somewhere in you
You know I'm not home to you

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Memories

You call this one Memories
Colours which fill your past
Blending in harmony
With distinct life-changing milestones
Even as it fades with time
In flashes but real as ever
You feel it in your skin
Your eyes tear up and smile
Oh how rich has your life been
And so you rest in acceptance 

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Untamed Soul

You love me too much
In the past this was my end point
But life caught me by surprise
Because I too, love you too much

Bollywood as it seems
As dreamy as disney
This steps on risky milky way
Or is this how it should me when it comes to loving

Its being afraid of losing
But love anyway, and more
Its being brave enough to be vulnerable
Fierce yet gentle and grounded

For what is ours ?
At the end
All is a phase
All is yours
None is yours
Be humble
Comprehend it
Or not
You will then have it without
Having to ask for it
For nature will give to an untamed soul
Uncorrupted by fear despite the scars of the past
Not because one is naive
But because of an open heart
And another soul is always
Always attracted to a generous soul

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Gift

This is to remind me to live in the present

It's being mesmerized by the flame of a candle flicker

Every change in color and shape 

Every movement 

How the constant movement warms me

It's focusing on my breath and feeling all the sensation the present offers

Each breath differs in depth and length

The present, each new day, is our baby. 

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Crossroads

How do you see yourself ?

Sometimes its so hard to find the words to articulate how you feel really

And you don't know if life at some point draws that line of courage in you and told you it was stupid and so the fear and insecurity grow bigger than you, in you, feeding from your daily routine

Your scope narrows

Your focus not as sharp for years its been too long

And now the same life demands that out of you again somehow reborn as if it has never hurt that side of you

It demands you to be fearless

Courageous and full of spirit

Like someone who isn't guilty of a wrongdoing

How do you spread your wings which have been glued to your chest for so long now

You wonder if it's a process you have to do on your own, at your own pace, for every feather which opens up is a process

Whilst the surrounding appears like a bunch of impatient crowd ready to rip that bandage off, not knowing that it will not reap the fruit but a wound which would find another place to heal

As everyone finds a place to mature

You are in constant search to see if where you've been remains the right place

Because it seemed like the right place to grow but is it the right place for you to spread that wings wide, majestic as it deserves ?

How do you get there, to a place where you can spread my wings and yet, be home?

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Selfless

What is love?

I don't think I know what that means
All I know is what it manifests into 

I care about you
More than myself
I feel for you
Your pain and light of happiness
Your sunshine and your tears 

You take me along a journey with you
One which you have never embarked on yourself
It's been remarkable
I have discovered more about myself in our journey
Something which I will always bring with me

It was not born out of the ordinary
We have been through quite a few phases
Its incredible how you have hung on
But you see
I don't know if you will continue to hang on
Will we still excite you when things are "normal"
You said that where we are now is a miracle
But will this go stale after a while
How can you be certain
How can I be certain
That we would still desire being together
I guess no one is and will ever 

All I know is I like having you around
You make me feel light
You make me laugh and how I love your laughter
You bring out a side of me which eases my heart
You make it easy
All of our memories
Aren't they the sweetest

Will we have much more of those
How much time do we have ?
Or will we have a lifetime ?
I don't have answers to these
I only know that I see things as they are 

And I want you to be happy 

Every day
The way the sea and water brings out the life in you

You then said to me
"My sweets, it doesn't matter what love means, for we are it"

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Beyond Ordinary

For this love is beyond the ordinary 

How it started, the journey we have been through, where we are 

It’s a miracle we are here 

Where there isn’t space for expectation, but a field of hope

You said you are proud me 

For I have always been strong as a kid 

I take joy and refuge in your pride in me 

For none of these hold much meaning without the clarity you have shown me 

Don’t get off this ride I beg 

It seems unnatural for two parallels to not meet as one 

Even in parallels I am on the same boat with you 

Separately, but united nevertheless

Ask me if the present is enough 

And I will tell you my story, our stories 

Whilst instincts reflect the line opposite my/your track

It would be silly to believe that it isn’t 

I will tell my sister and my daughter 

In all things, to never settle for less

So wherever our path brings us 

We will always be us

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Missing the Playground

Can you hear the breeze calling from the calm sea ?
Perhaps its thanking us that we are giving it some space to breathe
Maybe its a dilemma of the sea that we feel
That the sea misses us as much as we miss it

Im hearing its voice
The welcoming howl of the sea
Telling us its recovering
But that we should never doubt its love

When the time is right
I hope you welcome us with open arms
For we will surely treasure the gem you try to maintain
Your voice of the waves coming to rest at the shore

We will see the silent beauty of the starry night
The scent of salt on our hair
When we danced at the space you have so generously given us
For your space has become our playground

You will always be beautiful

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Naive

The future shall not take our present. For tomorrow may surprise us both. For my heart chooses to not give up hope and I will not allow the present stolen. The present is beyond what I have hoped for, I dared not imagine. So hopeful I shall stay, for I have been blessed and remain grateful I shall be. 

I saw the ring you gave to me, and I see the most beautiful gift, most valuable, and i thought, you are the hope in my hopeful (maybe stepping on thin lines with stupidity) naive heart. I feel you every minute of my days, how can I wear you more than I do now? You, are what my joyful heart wishes. My heart dances with you, in the present. 

Your are my joy and sorrow. So I look forward to tomorrow, for life is bigger than us, but love, you are such a big part of life, you are what sustain a blissful life. 

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Love and Pain Having Coffee

Today, love and pain came to visit. Love was feeling strong, transparent on its vulnerability, unapologetic, for it was beyond chatters of the world. Pain, however, decided that maybe, instead of avoiding love, it would pay a short visit, leave its footprint.

They sat on a coffee table and reminisce the times when they would coexist, like now, for the heart is big enough for them both. The heart doesnt always have one without the other. Looking back at the footsteps, they coexist more than they are apart.

Love talked about the sunrise, the joy in those beautiful smiles, the sound of laughter it radiates rays of happiness. But more than that, they both talk about the times when they both decided to stay strong together and guard the gate against hate and bitterness, when these two beings would hug and strengthen in the name of both love and pain, irrationally choose to love without opening the gate to the outside world. They both talk about how silly these two beings are, but also how awake they are in living.

They both know that love tends to always win, but they also know that this is not a battle. Its a cobweb and the beauty of the tangles and the mess is what add colours to the repeatitiveness of the hours. They decided to lay together tonight, love and pain, so that loneliness don't come knocking.

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Wonders & Wander

I hope you know that I would do anything in my power to make you happy, to protect you and to comfort you, above all else. I hope to death that you, of all people, see it, because none in the past saw it when it mattered. 

I know that what we have is a rare precious gem. I just wish that you see where we both stand, and its ok if you are not on the same page, as long as you see where I am, because I see where you are and I am at peace.  

You said you see through me, you do.. and I am, an open book to you. I am grateful that I am.. but I feel that you dont let me in sometimes.. maybe I dont understand you enough..I cant help but wonder, did you at least open the door into your mind as you swim through the wonders of your sea or is this you protecting me ?  

I have learnt to love you with an open heart, and I hope you see that this is a safe haven to be open. Its like when you run and your mind wanders, do you trust me in loving you ? 

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Keeper

Reminisce the days when a song brought a smile 

Do you remember the song? 

I bet you did, not only the song but also the feeling it triggers, be it childhood laughter, play in the rain or utmost happiness 

To me some songs reminded me of evening dances with you

Or the time when i rode on the tram, in the rain 

The beauty of isolation

A song which reminded me of friendship

I lost someone today 

Not close, but one who I feel connected to 

I grew up with his songs

My heartbreak and romance, his voice is a journey back

It keeps me grounded

When we are isolated for a global epidemic

Whilst the world unites under the same goal

When our time is up - time is up

But hey, dont we forget life, how we react is in our control 

That it is still my choice, to laugh

To love with an open heart 

To feel grateful for what we used to see as "normal" or default position

That your breath makes me grateful 

The fact that we are in the same space and time 

Do you see how blessed we are in love ? 

Do the math, numbers will tell you the possibility of finding the one at the right time (if you believe so) is close to impossible

Isnt this a time which calls for a grateful smile ?

Because the few loved ones you have are in the same space and time, that i can still say, i love you, that you make me happy and that you are beautiful 

I feel grateful

In the midst of these challenging times, there is even more clarity

For those who are by your side, are the keepers. 

Picture is designed by Mita, IG acc @mitas_world15 

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Reality Slap

I understand the logic
But being hopeful is what keeps one alive
Depriving someone of hope is fair
The "right" kiddo but hurtful nevertheless 

Its a tight reality slap
It keeps one grounded
Its a wake up call of where you stand
That love isn't enough

Doesnt it amuse you ?
What life brings
How many of us stick it out because of principles, ours' or others'
At the expense of hurting ourselves

Others, decide that they can't be together
For the same reasons, principles, nevertheless
How much do we value principles ?
It defines who you are you say, but does it if you give up one love for another ? Im sure it does, but again, this keeps me grounded.

Thank you for lifting me up
I see you, who you are.
Its a gap I, and the circumstance, will never bridge
And if one day I do, then maybe i'll understand love is enough. 

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Whats Ours

Will we become moments and mere memories, sometimes I wonder.
We both know certain moments define highlights of our lives and I know, that you are defining moments of how life has been and will be.

But I am afraid.. that we would be memories, a phase in life, so beautiful its a lifelong mark - from where we stand in the future, looking back separately.

It feels so strong, so loving, so trusting that it is dreamy. Does this exist in life ?

Seeing you in me is the warmth which spoons me in nights when we are apart
Like a cup of my favourite ginger lemongrass tea with honey
You sooth me, ease my cares
You are my smile before i close my eyes and my first smile of the day

As long as we have each other, nothing is ever big
I remember the bible teaches me that as a kid
That nothing is bigger than God
And that God is love
You, we are our shelter for we are love

We danced, sang and our words often creep into dawn
My thoughts of us is the autumn leaves
Its the sun in spring
The smell of grass in rain

With our hands we hold our hearts
We can no longer return
For what used to be yours and mine have become ours
Its scary but I wouldnt give it up for anything

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Being Free

You are the sea between the walls for I am free in your presence. 

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Missing in Agony

I need to long for you from a distance, on my own. I can't put you in agony of my thirst. 

See beyond, feel deeper, hear the unspoken. 

The love you found will give you peace. 

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